Psalm 139:4-6 (ESV)
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
5 You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.

No parent should have to bury a child. But sometimes we do. As we’ll be doing Sunday. We’ll be having the service for my wife’s daughter, my step daughter. 30 years old. The stages of grief are evident. My wife, stepchildren, children, and I are passing from denial to disbelief. Flashes of anger are starting to show. Soon depression and then acceptance. Freedom.

It’s been a tough few months for my wife and I, our families, with losing both of her parents and now her youngest child. Rest in peace my daughter, peace that surpasses all undersanding. He’s brought you home.

Song of Solomon 2:11-13 (ESV)
11 for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone.
12 The flowers appear on the earth, the time of prunings has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.
13 The fig tree ripens its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance.
Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away.

Love shines strongest in times of pain. The love of Christ, whom we are blessed with, that makes us different from all the other creatures on earth, shows through. He alone brings us the peace we seek, the freedom we strive for. He offers us the hope of eternity, and eternity changes everything.

1 Timothy 1:14-17 (NIV)
14 The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 15 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. 16 But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. 17 Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

I’ve missed spending time with Him in the morning. New job, transforming a culture (and all the processes), long days, a few more weeks and I’ll be freed again, freed from the chains of this world for a few minutes. Freed. To be with Him. In so many ways I envy Kathryn who has been brought home.

Lord, I don’t know your ways and I seek to understand. I know you are pure love, a love I will someday understand, but only know of a little sliver today. I, we, long for the freedom of your love, a framework to understand our daily lives, a peace of knowing that you’re with us even when we aren’t with you. Lord, please magnify your presence as we walk through Kathryn’s death. Please overcome our reliance on ourselves and bathe us in your love, in your glorious love. Open our hearts that are so wounded now to your healing, powerful, love, so “that [our] hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God’s mystery, which is Christ” Colossians 2:2

Micah 7:18 (ESV) Who is a God like you, pardoning iniquity and passing over transgression for the remnant of his inheritance? He does not retain his anger forever, because he delights in steadfast love. 1 John 3:23 And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he has commanded us. 1 John 4:12 No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.