This is what we should have:

Romans 8:29-31 (NLT)
29 For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory.
31 What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?

Psalm 46:1-3 (NLT)
1 God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.
2 So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea.
3 Let the oceans roar and foam. Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!

This is what we accept. A year ago on 1.31.17, our daughter (my wifes daughter, my step daughter) died thanks to a lot of things. Her penchant for partying, today’s street drugs laced with fentanyl, and probably most, her desire for a security she never found. She never had the knowledge that she could lean on true, pure love, that she was loved beyond all measure, that she had a fortress in God and family that was so much stronger than the people she looked to. She heard it and knew it in her head, but never learned it in her soul to change the trajectory of her life. She looked in the wrong places and found it for what it was worth, and that wasn’t much in the end. There was so much there for her to live for, to hold her up when she was weak, to carry her when she could no longer carry on. We miss you Kathryn in so many ways, for your life yet to be loved, for the risks we didn’t take with you to ensure your safety.

We all live through the joys and pain of this life – it’s what life is. We could have so much more if we just accept Him the way He wants to be accepted.

Our lives are defined by the choices we make. Kat’s gone from this world and we remember her in sadness for what could have been, what should have been. We also remember the joy and good times, but those aren’t the thoughts we carry foremost in our minds. Such is the power of the world that we leave behind. We remember the good times, we hold on to them, and wish there would have been more of them. We wish that her life would have been defined more by them.

The world is a nasty place when compared to God’s love, God’s refuge, God’s strength. The question is posed – If God is for us, who can be against us? Everything of the world is against us, but none can succeed if we stay in God, we stay in Christ’s word, if we put on the full armor of God. When we’re looking for love and strength, there is only God and family (and we can have a really big family in Christ).

Ephesians 6:10-18 (NLT)
10 A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. 12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. 14 Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. 15 For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. 16 In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. 17 Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.

On the anniversary of her death, we went and spoke with the detective. It’s taken us a year to come to this point. Who, what, where. It brought some closure, but no closure or answers as to why she chose this path instead of one centered on God. Why did a life of God’s love seem a poor alternative to her life. Yes, I’m angry that life meant so little to the street dealer who cut the drugs with fentanyl. Yes, I’m angry that Kat chose this path and it cost her life. Yes I’m angry that the world outside infiltrated our family in this way. Self serving little pieces of feces not worthy of… of what? Gods love? My love? Your love?

These are the people Christ came for, the ones he died for, the ones who are so broken, the ones far away from God. The lost. Like me.

Rest in peace sweet Kathryn.